Christmas is merry and jolly but sometimes it’s just awkward, here are mous. magazine's top four weirdest things to ever happen to Christmas.
1. Bowie and Crosby – Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth
When I was 15 I wrote a letter to David Bowie asking him to take me as a child bride. My English teacher said “I wouldn’t put it past him” but unfortunately our short, one sided love affair never got past the walls of my adolescent mind. So I’ll be the first to admit that the thought of him, performing alongside legend of the 20th century Bing Crosby is pretty invigorating.
What comes next is a two minute prelude to the performance of Little Drummer Boy straight out of the start of a bad porno. Enter, next door neighbour, awkward small talk, sharing of interests, all leading to the triumphant climax, the break into song. And obviously it’s set in a castle, because everyone who’s anyone has Christmas in a castle. See: Harry Potter, the Royals, Olivia Newton John probably.
Favourite moments: Bing Crosby’s infinite wit- “you go back that far?”
Bowie’s lack of wit- “agents sliding down the chimney… just seeing if you were paying attention”
2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Lady Gaga- Baby It’s Cold Outside
So this is one of my favourite Christmas songs ever despite the fact that it literally mentions nothing of Christmas and has some really questionable lyrics. Also as someone who has always lived in Australia and only ever experienced scorching hot Christmases, you can see why I would associate this song about snow with Christmas (not). While my favourite version is by Bing Crosby and Doris Day I will listen to nearly any version of this song happily, so when I saw Joseph Gordon-Levitt had performed a rendition I was immediately excited.
But, upon watching his performance with Lady Gaga, I think I can safely say this is one of the most awkward and uncomfortable Christmas moments in existence. From the weird prelude featuring Kermit the frog to the complete lack of chemistry, the whole thing is just really uncomfortable. But the most awkward thing is that Lady Gaga legitimately can’t walk in the dress she’s wearing, and that’s not her fault, I don’t think anyone could walk in that dress let alone try and seduce someone who is running away from you.
Basically the whole fiasco makes for three minutes of holiday themed cringe.
3. Fleischer Cartoons – Christmas Comes But Once a Year
Ok so a little bit of background here for those of you who weren’t subjected to this cartoon as children. Fleischer Studios were Disney’s rival back in the 1930s and 1940s and are the people responsible for Betty Boop and the animation of Popeye. They are also responsible for possibly one of the oddest Christmas themed children’s cartoon in existence (in my opinion anyway), Christmas Comes But Once a Year.
I’m not sure what makes this video so unsettling, but I know I felt weird when I watched it when I was four and I sure feel weird about it now. I’m not sure if it’s the creepy voices, the disproportionate foreheads or the goofy dancing, but this video is bizarre. In saying that I’m sure for many people this is a cherished childhood memory and who knows, maybe orphan Christmas cartoons featuring a seemingly random old man were the norm back in the 1930s.
4. Elvis Presley- I Believe
mous. magazine acknowledges that this is probably a very important/famous Christmas song. And what an idea. So beautiful. Let him move you.
“Every time I hear a new born baby cry, or touch a leaf”.
Hear the keys. Listen to the oooh. Let there be peace in the valley!
“or see the sky, then I know why, I believe”.
I listened to this song for the first time while I was at least 4 heavily rummed up nogs deep and doing Christmas crafts, and by the end of the third run through we were both on the floor in tears. It’s so moving you see.