Honey, Have You Mowed The Lawn


Photography:Lucy Jorgensen 

Photography:Lucy Jorgensen 

Ah, pubic hair. A sign of maturity, of adulthood, of sexual headway- and your body's way of saying "it's not cute anymore, keep it covered". Despite the pubic hairs' clearly benevolent intentions, waxing and shaving down south have become an insidious trend in past years. But now the once naked south-enders of the world are taking a stand, relinquishing their razors and wax strips in favour of boy shorts and hopes of recreating that scene from Waiting where Alanna Ubach gets her cat out and scares Ryan Reynolds half to death. "No more razors, no more wax! Just our bits with their pubes in tact!" they proclaim with a hearty enthusiasm.

Regardless of how we, as humans, were intended to evolve, there is still much hoo-ha about which sprucing style is most alluring- freshly mowed, or left to grow. Women in particular are scrutinised with no restraint on their vaginal grooming. To muff or not to muff, that is the question- and as such women are parading around in a mist of uncertainty and chaos.

"No one was born with a hair removal kit in a neat

little pouch around their waist."

It's impossible to deny that women, in particular, have been ambushed by images of unadorned snatches in film, pornography and even just by word of mouth. "Oh my god, Emily, you don't shave? That's disgusting" they declare, (whoever "they" are). For the best part of a decade, namely the 2000s, (maybe longer, I haven't been alive long enough to know what it was like in the '90s) pubes had seemingly become as scarce as a nun's bra strap. Hesitant women passively accepted that the correct style of maintenance was to show no signs of puberty whatsoever. Men even started adapting to this trend, possibly because women were pushing for it. "If I have to do it, then you should too" is what I imagine prompted many men to reluctantly pick up their wife's/girlfriend's/sister's razor and embark on a prickling exploration. 

Times are changing, though, and the muff has been making a fiery return. Gaby Hoffman let her freak flag fly on Girls, shifting the idea of a cutesy rug to a full-blown hair frenzy, and rockin' it. Women are starting to re-appreciate the simplicity of just letting their bearded oysters be just that, bearded. No more ripping pains, no more nicks, no more 2-day-prickle- or if they can't handle the idea of fully letting the beast go, then perhaps trimming the sides so they still look "well presented" in a summer bikini. This isn't a poke at women who love their vag bare. Hell, the beauty industry thrives on products made to recreate the norm of women's (and men's) downstairs', and enhance their sexual prowess by doing so. Whatever works for you is all sweet.

The problem I find most unsettling is that men, especially those in my generation, are accustomed to hairless betties. They are unfamiliar with the look of sporadic hairs poking out of the sides of your sexiest lingerie. They haven't experienced the tickle of mischievous fur when eating out their partners. Muff is a scary concept, it's wild, untamed and a symbol of maturity, an intimidating thought, I know. I once had a man say to me that "I don't want a woman with much hair, and no hair is preferable", as if a woman's natural state is somehow distasteful. I'm not against men having their own kinks and preferences when it comes to females but I get arky when men have the audacity to say that how women are, is at all foul or unladylike. No one was born with a hair removal kit in a neat little pouch around their waist. If you're a man and you love the muff, good on you. If you're a man and you like your ladies bare skinned, that's cool too but understand that the glove on the other hand is not grimy or in need of a wash. It's just another way of doing things. If her self-confidence in the way her bat cave looks is as ripe as her sex drive then what's the issue?

There's no right or wrong way to do it. If you prefer to see your pubes being washed down the drain- awesome. If you like to see them smother your partner's face- fantastic! Whether you're bare, barely there, cutely shaven, a frolicking mess or overriding parts of your thighs, go for broke, and never let anyone rain on your hairy little (or not so little) parade